Goodbyes

Goodbyes have to be one of the hardest things that all humans have to face and go through. I suppose it is one of the few areas where compassion and empathy is possible between different people/races/religions. Goodbyes are some of the hardest things in life to do; I remember my grandparents funeral with intense detail. Goodbyes are often engrained deep in your brain as a result of emotional trauma. After time and reflection I’ve begun questioning goodbyes. Are there different types of goodbyes and how do we come out ahead?

Goodbyes are not limited to death, they are also prevalent in relationships. It’s not like your feelings just vanish after saying goodbye. I still feel the desire to talk to my ex, my best friend. We recently said goodbye, but I can’t help but think that things are unfinished. I have things still left unsaid; this is entirely common with death as well. How do we let those feelings go and accept the goodbye? That’s an impossible question. I have been trying to let my ex move on, no matter how much it hurts me. Saying goodbye for the final time (with acceptance) somehow sounds good. I am looking forward to it in a weird way. Perhaps there are two different type of goodbyes.

The first kind would be the goodbye when facing the trauma immediately. Whether that’s your partner walking out or getting a call from the hospital. The goodbye that happens when you have no other choice, when faced with an undesirable loss. The second kind would be when you have accepted the terms of that loss and are able to say goodbye for your sake. This second type presents an opportunity for you to release yourself from the constraints and pain that you have been forcing on yourself. This is the goodbye that I am currently trying to accept.

I am trying to understand all the different emotions and feelings that I have about saying goodbye. After a while I realized that I am holding onto something broken, something that I don’t have a chance of getting back. This has altered my perception of this upcoming goodbye. I am forcing all of my negative pain and emotions to melt away when I say that final goodbye. Somehow I have come to reflect on the past, on my short comings, but most of all on the happiness and love that I shared with that person. I have prepared my final goodbye and when it is administered, I will allow my heart to open to others as well as letting that person move on. By neglecting to say this final goodbye, I am only hurting myself via the pain and regrets that I agonize over. Perhaps part of the reason I am able to do this is because I reflected on my mistakes and now know how to prevent the same mistakes in the future.

By allowing myself to say this final goodbye, I’m giving myself an opportunity to move on in my life. Of course nothing will ever be able to fill that hole or slot that person filled in your life, but it doesn’t mean that we have to spiral out of control trying to grasp onto something already in the past. We must look forward. I’ve been telling myself “the pain is almost over”. That seems to have been helping me when I’m feeling at my lowest. I’ve also been telling myself that “I have to manifest the change that I want in my life”. Goodbyes are an opportunity for growth if you give it the chance. It is difficult and painful of course, but it is a chance for you to let go and start fresh. Remember… goodbyes are something that everyone face, so there are people you can talk to. I will talk to you if you like my perspective. Just know that you can get trapped in an eternal pit of depression if you don’t allow yourself that second goodbye.